Awkward:
-When you go to a store and take off your jacket to try on a different one, and one of the employees starts hanging yours up because they think someone returned it.
-Playing Star Wars Trivial Pursuit on a date and you know absolutely nothing about Star Wars while the other three are completely obsessed with it, and they act like you're dumb because you don't know anything.
-Breaking Dawn Part 1...enough said.
-When the little girl sitting next to you on the plane thinks your brother is your boyfriend.
-Running through the airport like in Home Alone because you are running late for your flight.
-When your phone vibrates really loud during someone's final presentation and the professor is sitting right next to you.
Awesome:
-Finishing your first semester of college.
-Turning 19!
-Getting a dozen light-up cups and a helium tank in the mail from your roommate's mom.
-Going home and getting to hang out with some of your best friends that you haven't seen in three months.
-When you're put on the spot in sacrament meeting to play "Ring Out, Wild Bells," everyone stares at you awkwardly waiting for you to announce if you can play it or not (which you can't, by the way, but you don't want to admit it), and then all of a sudden your roommate comes up and saves you by playing the left hand while you play the right hand. Thanks Jessica :)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Looking Back
These past couple of weeks have been a major learning experience for me. I've been wanting to blog about it for a few days now, but I just had no idea what to say or where to start. So please bear with me as I try to get this out.
I've always known that trials were actually blessings. Two years ago I was going through something that was very difficult for me. And even though afterwards I looked back and thought it was silly, it still mattered to me at the time. As I was going through it, I wondered what the purpose was. I just didn't get it. I didn't see how it could benefit me at all.
Afterwards, I started to realize blessings that came from it. Nothing huge, but I began to understand why I had to go through that particular thing. However, there were times where I still wondered if it was necessary or if I would have been the same without going through that experience.
And then, it clicked.
Last week, everything came together. It all made sense. And last night, I was thinking a lot about it, and I realized some things.
First of all, I feel so much stronger. Two years ago, I felt weak. I had very little experience with pain, or loss of friendship, or anything like that. So when I first began experiencing those things, it was hard. I didn't know if I could do it. I turned to the Lord. And through Him, I was strengthened. Everything ended up being just fine.
Now, two years later, as I look back at some of the trials I've been through this semester, I am surprised with how strong I am. Two years ago, I would not have been able to handle some of the things I am handling now. But it was all those times of hurt and pain that made me the person I am today.
The second thing I realized is that I am finally in control of my own life. I am in charge of my own happiness, and I'm not letting other people or the things that happen around me bring me down. But two years ago, I did. I let the situation take control of me. I was't in control of my own happiness. And because of that, I was unhappy for a while.
At this point in time, I could react exactly how I have in the past. But I'm smarter than that. I'm more mature. And last night, when I realized that something that could have really upset me didn't at all, I felt amazing. I was finally free. I was finally my own person and in control of my own emotions.
Happiness is a choice. I said that a lot to one of my friends this past year, but I don't think I've ever actually experienced it for myself until now. I can honestly say that I am happy with my life. I am happy with who I am. I know I am where I need to be and that I'm doing what's right. Yes, there have been times this semester where I have messed up. There have been times when I did something I knew I shouldn't have. I'm not perfect. But those experiences have taught me so many things about myself that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I am thankful for them.
Sorry this post was so deep. I just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere, and this seemed like the best place, especially since I'm working on sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. I don't want to be a closed book anymore.
I've always known that trials were actually blessings. Two years ago I was going through something that was very difficult for me. And even though afterwards I looked back and thought it was silly, it still mattered to me at the time. As I was going through it, I wondered what the purpose was. I just didn't get it. I didn't see how it could benefit me at all.
Afterwards, I started to realize blessings that came from it. Nothing huge, but I began to understand why I had to go through that particular thing. However, there were times where I still wondered if it was necessary or if I would have been the same without going through that experience.
And then, it clicked.
Last week, everything came together. It all made sense. And last night, I was thinking a lot about it, and I realized some things.
First of all, I feel so much stronger. Two years ago, I felt weak. I had very little experience with pain, or loss of friendship, or anything like that. So when I first began experiencing those things, it was hard. I didn't know if I could do it. I turned to the Lord. And through Him, I was strengthened. Everything ended up being just fine.
Now, two years later, as I look back at some of the trials I've been through this semester, I am surprised with how strong I am. Two years ago, I would not have been able to handle some of the things I am handling now. But it was all those times of hurt and pain that made me the person I am today.
The second thing I realized is that I am finally in control of my own life. I am in charge of my own happiness, and I'm not letting other people or the things that happen around me bring me down. But two years ago, I did. I let the situation take control of me. I was't in control of my own happiness. And because of that, I was unhappy for a while.
At this point in time, I could react exactly how I have in the past. But I'm smarter than that. I'm more mature. And last night, when I realized that something that could have really upset me didn't at all, I felt amazing. I was finally free. I was finally my own person and in control of my own emotions.
Happiness is a choice. I said that a lot to one of my friends this past year, but I don't think I've ever actually experienced it for myself until now. I can honestly say that I am happy with my life. I am happy with who I am. I know I am where I need to be and that I'm doing what's right. Yes, there have been times this semester where I have messed up. There have been times when I did something I knew I shouldn't have. I'm not perfect. But those experiences have taught me so many things about myself that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I am thankful for them.
Sorry this post was so deep. I just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere, and this seemed like the best place, especially since I'm working on sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. I don't want to be a closed book anymore.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Hello December
So I'm not really sure what to say about this past week. It's definitely had its share of ups and downs. But through it all I'm staying positive and happy and I'm not letting anything bring me down. Experiences from the past have taught me that when life throws something at you, take it with a smile and stay strong. Plus, this week has definitely been way better than it could have been. For example, Friday night I was feeling kind of down because all of my roommates had their own plans except for me, but then I got invited to go ice skating with three guys from my ward and it turned out to be a pretty fun night! Then on Saturday I went to the temple with two of my roommates and it was a great experience. This is the first time I've been since I've come to college, and it was so nice to have that Spirit again and just be able to escape the world for a couple of hours.
I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. I decided I'm definitely going to stay here for spring semester. I've also been thinking about my major. Journalism is what I want to do, but I'm still not entirely committed to it and I'm keeping my mind open to other possibilities. And even though I really like journalism, it's hard for me to decide which aspect of it I want to focus on. I enjoy writing, editing, and designing, but I can't take classes geared to all three. But I still have like a year to figure all that out, so it's not that big of a deal right now.
Life is pretty good right now, and I only have four days of class left! Yay! Then I have finals, but for some reason I'm not really feeling stressed out at all. Maybe it's because I've lost a lot of motivation and I just want this semester to be over already, but I don't know. The only class I'm really concerned about is psychology, but I'm doing fine in the rest. So we'll see how everything goes. Also, I can't believe it is December already! I know I say this all the time, but time is going by so fast. I guess that's what happens when you're so busy all the time!
I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. I decided I'm definitely going to stay here for spring semester. I've also been thinking about my major. Journalism is what I want to do, but I'm still not entirely committed to it and I'm keeping my mind open to other possibilities. And even though I really like journalism, it's hard for me to decide which aspect of it I want to focus on. I enjoy writing, editing, and designing, but I can't take classes geared to all three. But I still have like a year to figure all that out, so it's not that big of a deal right now.
Life is pretty good right now, and I only have four days of class left! Yay! Then I have finals, but for some reason I'm not really feeling stressed out at all. Maybe it's because I've lost a lot of motivation and I just want this semester to be over already, but I don't know. The only class I'm really concerned about is psychology, but I'm doing fine in the rest. So we'll see how everything goes. Also, I can't believe it is December already! I know I say this all the time, but time is going by so fast. I guess that's what happens when you're so busy all the time!
Jessica
So this is my roommate Jessica:
She's pretty cool so I figured I would make a post about her since I need four more by Tuesday. Yay.
Jessica is awesome. I don't know what I would do without her. Honestly. I would probably be failing my calculus class right now if it weren't for her. She's a freaking math genius (she's the only freshman T.A. that works in the math lab). I feel bad because I ask her for help like every day, but she's always willing to help me with anything and she's a really good teacher.
Jessica can speak Russian. Pretty cool, right? She loves learning things, especially new languages. She's also really good at music. Even though I can play the piano pretty well, I'm not very good at music theory, so she's (hopefully) going to teach me.
Funny story: so one night it was about two o'clock, and what do you do that late when you don't feel like going to bed? That's right, you cut your own hair. Caitlin had trimmed her bangs earlier that day by herself, and then my other roommate Emily decided she wanted bangs. So she got some scissors, went in the bathroom, and after a few snips she had some nice bangs. Well, after looking at old pictures of when Jessica had bangs, we decided that she should cut her hair too. However, instead of following Emily's example, it took us about an hour to convince her to do it. Finally, after much pressure, she went in the bathroom and started snipping, but got nervous and cut one side shorter than the other. Oops. I'm sure it wasn't funny to her at the time, but now that they've grown out a bit they look super cute (as you can tell from the photo).
Here are a few more random things about Jessica: she is six feet tall, she loves chocolate (especially dark chocolate), and her favorite phrase is "I don't know." We tease her because she says it so much (mainly because she always DOES know), but it's actually really funny :)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Bambi
For my writing class, we were required to write a personal narrative story about an experience in our life where we learned something or changed, and then post it on our blog. Even though I enjoy writing, this just was not my style, and I had a really hard time deciding what to write about. But if you feel so inclined you can go ahead and read it...
Bambi
It was a blistering, hot day in May of 2009 as I lied in my backyard on the grass next to her. She looked at me with her deep brown eyes and wagged her tail coated in that reddish-brown fur. She licked me happily as I pet her and rubbed her stomach. That was her favorite. She jumped up and followed me as I walked back to the house.
That night I walked outside and grabbed her small, shiny dish. Every night, she would wait impatiently by the back door and squirm and squeal as I emptied a can of her favorite dog food onto her dish. Whenever I walked back outside to give it to her, she could barely contain her excitement as she leaped up and down.
However, this night was different. As I walked back out to give her her food, she lied quietly a couple of feet from the door. She got up, smelled the food, took a bite, and then lied back down.
“What’s wrong, Bambi?” I asked confusedly. “Aren’t you hungry?” I thought maybe she just wanted some privacy, so I left her to herself. However, when I returned the next morning, all of her food was still there.
After a few nights of the same routine, I realized something was wrong. This was not normal for her. After 12 years of feeding her, she had never reacted this way to her food.
It was a Friday morning when my mom and I loaded her into the trunk of the SUV and drove her to the vet. We walked inside with her, sat down, and waited for her name to be called. A few minutes later a lady came out and said they were ready for us. We followed her into a small room, and Bambi lied down on the cold tile.
“So what’s wrong with her?” the lady asked. We explained to her the problem as Bambi looked around confused. The lady then proceeded to examine her while we waited. After a few minutes, we received the diagnosis. Bambi had anemia, a common disease in older dogs where they develop too many white blood cells and not enough red blood cells. She had probably six months to a year left to live, which seemed way too short at the time.
Over the next week she began to improve. She began eating more, and she was acting like her normal self again. I was relieved and thought maybe I wouldn’t be losing her any time soon. I was able to take her for walks around the neighborhood again and play with her in the yard. It was like nothing had ever been wrong.
One day she was acting more tired than usual, so instead of taking her for a walk I decided to just sit with her in the front yard. She lied on the warm grass next to me as I stroked her and talked to her. She was the only one in the world who would never judge me and would always think I was perfect no matter what. We sat there for about a half hour, and I thought about how horrible it would be to lose her.
The next morning I woke up at eight o'clock and got ready to go to piano lessons and then work. As I was walking down the hall to the garage, I saw my parents. It looked like something was terribly wrong.
“Hayley, Bambi’s not doing too well,” my mom said. “She can barely even move by herself. She’s going to die today.”
My whole world stopped. No, it couldn’t be happening. She had been fine just the day before, other than being a little tired. The vet said she had six months to a year left to live, and it had only been two weeks. This just couldn’t be possible.
I walked over to the back door and stepped outside to see her curled up on the hot pavement with her eyes closed. I walked over and caressed her soft fur as she opened her dark eyes to look at me. I could see death in them; she knew exactly what was happening, and that was what confirmed to me that this whole thing was real.
I tried to hold my tears back. My parents came outside, and we had family prayer with her. As my dad said the prayer, he started crying in the middle of it. My dad almost never cries. Once the prayer ended, I got in my car and drove the 15-minute drive to my piano teacher’s house. I was able to contain myself for 30 minutes and basically ran to my car once the lesson was over. There was no way I was going to work that day.
Once I got home, I went straight to my room and let it all out. After a while, I called my best friend, Caitlin, and she comforted me and talked to me about how her dog had died a few months before. I was feeling a little better, so I decided to go out and see her for one last time.
She was just lying there on the grass, so lifeless. She looked at me with those deathly eyes again. I pet her gently and whispered to her. After about 10 minutes, I knew I needed to say goodbye. This was it. I got up slowly and walked back to the house, turning around to meet her eyes for one last time.
Once inside, I went straight back to my room and just lied on my bed and cried. At about noon, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I got up and opened it. My mom was standing there and she had tears in her eyes.
“She’s gone,” she said shakily.
I walked out to the backyard. Her body lay there so stiff. I sat next to her and stroked her for one last time. Even though she wasn’t there, I didn’t care. It was all I had left. My dad came out, picked her up, and took her away. I was never to see her again.
I had never up until that moment really experienced death of a loved one. I felt so empty, like a part of me was missing. Yes, she was just a dog, but she had been there for me almost my whole life. I was her idol, and she had loved me with a perfect love.
Over the years the pain has dulled, but I still miss her dearly. Every time I come home from college or from a vacation, I see her jumping up and down at the gate and barking like it’s the happiest day of her life. Whenever I walk by the back door, I see her outside wagging her tail impatiently and whimpering. As I sit in my room and write this story, I see her beneath my window looking up at me and pleading with me to come play with her. And sometimes I do. Sometimes I do.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Home Sweet Home
So Tuesday night I got to fly home for Thanksgiving break, and it has been pretty good so far! But the time has gone by way too fast. Unfortunately, I've had a lot of homework to get done over the break, so I haven't had as much time for other things that I've wanted to do. But luckily I'll be back in a few weeks for Christmas break :)
As I've been home, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been thinking about how much I've changed and all the things that have happened since I've been at college. It's crazy to think about how fast the past three months have flown by. I feel like I was just here, packing up all my stuff and saying goodbye for the last time before I got on the plane to Utah.
And even though I love being home, I'm kind of ready to go back. Weird, right? I remember when I first got to my apartment in Utah, I told myself that that was not my home and it never would be. But now I feel the complete opposite. I kind of miss it.
Here is a list of some of my favorite things that have happened since I've been home:
-Getting to hang out with one of my best friends, Destini :)
-Driving!
-Having a long conversation with one of my good friends, Chris
-Getting to see my cousins
-The amazing weather :)
-Not having to make all of my food
-Skyping friends late into the night
-Sleeping in super late
-Playing our grand piano :)
As I've been home, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been thinking about how much I've changed and all the things that have happened since I've been at college. It's crazy to think about how fast the past three months have flown by. I feel like I was just here, packing up all my stuff and saying goodbye for the last time before I got on the plane to Utah.
And even though I love being home, I'm kind of ready to go back. Weird, right? I remember when I first got to my apartment in Utah, I told myself that that was not my home and it never would be. But now I feel the complete opposite. I kind of miss it.
Here is a list of some of my favorite things that have happened since I've been home:
-Getting to hang out with one of my best friends, Destini :)
-Driving!
-Having a long conversation with one of my good friends, Chris
-Getting to see my cousins
-The amazing weather :)
-Not having to make all of my food
-Skyping friends late into the night
-Sleeping in super late
-Playing our grand piano :)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I'm Thankful For...
In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to make a post about some things that I'm thankful for. Here are ten things that I don't know if I could live without (in no particular order):
1. My Family
I'm so grateful for my family. I'm thankful that my parents raised me the way they did and had such high expectations for me. It has made me the person that I am today. I'm glad they pushed me in school, made me go to church, and made me keep taking piano lessons even though I begged and begged them to let me stop until I was about 15 (they told me I could stop as soon as I learned every single hymn in the hymnbook...yeah, didn't happen). I'm also thankful for my brother and the example he is to me. He's always been there for me, especially these last few months as I've started college. Also, if you haven't already noticed, I'm kind of spoiled. You can thank my parents for that (I know I am!).
2. Chocolate
I think pretty much anyone who knows me can agree that I'm a chocoholic. But I can't help it! I honestly don't know what I would do without it. It's what keeps me sane, especially after a long, stressful day.
3. Sleep
Yes, I know it's hard to believe that I actually like sleep with the amount that I've been getting lately. But it's true! I love sleep. I probably won't be saying that when I'm still up at 4 in the morning, but just know that it's the truth. Sleep is awesome.
4. My Roommates
I seriously couldn't have asked for better roommates. We all get along, and we have so much fun together. I was kind of nervous before this semester started because I have a hard time making new friends, especially with people who are different from me, so I wasn't sure how it was going to go. But I love them! They are the best and have helped make college so much better for me.
5. Music
I love music. It's so calming and stress-relieving. Sometimes I like to just sit and listen to music and think. It makes everything so much better.
6. Rain
Rain is absolutely amazing. It is so beautiful and just makes me happy. It doesn't rain a lot in Arizona, so when it does I cherish it. Maybe one day I'll live in Washington and then I can enjoy the rain all the time :)
7. My best friend, Caitlin
Caitlin made a post all about me, so I feel like I owe her. So I'll make this short and sweet. Caitlin is an awesome best friend and roommate. I don't know what I would do without her. Even though there have been many times when we've wanted to kill each other, we're basically sisters and can pretty much talk about anything. I'm so glad she wanted to come to BYU and share a room with me :)
8. Piano
I love playing the piano. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't really start enjoying it until I was about 15, but I kept playing because my parents made me. Then something clicked, and I just always loved it. It helps me relieve stress and it's a way for me to express myself. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't play.
9. Education
I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to receive an education at BYU. It really is an amazing experience that not everyone gets. Whenever I feel like being lazy or not going to class, I think about all the people who wish they were here but aren't and all the money being paid for me to go here. I need to take advantage of all the educational opportunities I have because I know some day I will be able to use them to benefit others.
10. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
I decided to save the best for last. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It really has shaped my life and brought me so much happiness. I have a very strong testimony of this gospel and wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
1. My Family
I'm so grateful for my family. I'm thankful that my parents raised me the way they did and had such high expectations for me. It has made me the person that I am today. I'm glad they pushed me in school, made me go to church, and made me keep taking piano lessons even though I begged and begged them to let me stop until I was about 15 (they told me I could stop as soon as I learned every single hymn in the hymnbook...yeah, didn't happen). I'm also thankful for my brother and the example he is to me. He's always been there for me, especially these last few months as I've started college. Also, if you haven't already noticed, I'm kind of spoiled. You can thank my parents for that (I know I am!).
2. Chocolate
I think pretty much anyone who knows me can agree that I'm a chocoholic. But I can't help it! I honestly don't know what I would do without it. It's what keeps me sane, especially after a long, stressful day.
3. Sleep
Yes, I know it's hard to believe that I actually like sleep with the amount that I've been getting lately. But it's true! I love sleep. I probably won't be saying that when I'm still up at 4 in the morning, but just know that it's the truth. Sleep is awesome.
4. My Roommates
I seriously couldn't have asked for better roommates. We all get along, and we have so much fun together. I was kind of nervous before this semester started because I have a hard time making new friends, especially with people who are different from me, so I wasn't sure how it was going to go. But I love them! They are the best and have helped make college so much better for me.
5. Music
I love music. It's so calming and stress-relieving. Sometimes I like to just sit and listen to music and think. It makes everything so much better.
6. Rain
Rain is absolutely amazing. It is so beautiful and just makes me happy. It doesn't rain a lot in Arizona, so when it does I cherish it. Maybe one day I'll live in Washington and then I can enjoy the rain all the time :)
7. My best friend, Caitlin
Caitlin made a post all about me, so I feel like I owe her. So I'll make this short and sweet. Caitlin is an awesome best friend and roommate. I don't know what I would do without her. Even though there have been many times when we've wanted to kill each other, we're basically sisters and can pretty much talk about anything. I'm so glad she wanted to come to BYU and share a room with me :)
8. Piano
I love playing the piano. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't really start enjoying it until I was about 15, but I kept playing because my parents made me. Then something clicked, and I just always loved it. It helps me relieve stress and it's a way for me to express myself. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't play.
9. Education
I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to receive an education at BYU. It really is an amazing experience that not everyone gets. Whenever I feel like being lazy or not going to class, I think about all the people who wish they were here but aren't and all the money being paid for me to go here. I need to take advantage of all the educational opportunities I have because I know some day I will be able to use them to benefit others.
10. The Gospel of Jesus Christ
I decided to save the best for last. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It really has shaped my life and brought me so much happiness. I have a very strong testimony of this gospel and wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.
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